Day 20

I was able to sleep in this morning because of market shopping with Becca, Sarah, and Brandy.  Sleeping in around here is a coveted thing.  We sleep every chance that we get!  It was ridiculously hot all day today, but we were able to get everything that we needed pretty quickly.  We were even able to throw in a little Starbucks for Sarah’s birthday.  :)

After arriving back on campus and pricing all of the new market items, Sarah and I walked into our disaster of a dorm and decided to do some much needed cleaning.  I took on the same job that I always do, the bathroom.  If any of you have a color other than white for your sink and toilet, I feel your pain.  Our sink and toilet are both royal blue, they NEVER look clean, no matter how hard you scrub.  At least I can rest assured that they are disinfected.  

Tonight was extended worship again.  My prayer tonight was very personal and something that I’m tired of wrestling with, so my focus tonight was getting my mind freed from it.  God took that and ran with it.  He showed me even more about myself that needed changing.  I’ve been dealing with some emotions regarding why I was treated like I didn’t matter and like I wasn’t “good enough” with a situation that’s in my past.  I couldn’t make sense of the whole thing in my mind, so I’d just settled on the fact that it was MY fault, I’M the reason it happened, it’s ME who made him do it.  God took those emotions and showed me how easily we can be hurt and broken by humans, and how quickly we can be torn apart by something that is so earthly and temporary.  

My Savior LOVES, my Savior lives

My Savior’s ALWAYS there for me

My God he was, my God he is,

My God he’s ALWAYS gonna be

This was the song that brought me to my knees.  We never want to be affected by things that are worldly and shouldn’t matter, but the fact is, those are the things that rock us the most.  We want to strive to live for what is long term and lasts forever, but sometimes, we get caught up in the here and now and just come out more broken and bruised than we went in.  Why is it that our human natures focus so intensely on the temporary, when the enduring and lasting is what we should want? 

What matters in all of this is knowing that Jesus is the constant, he is ALWAYS going to be there to catch us when we fall.  Even when we think we have gone too far away, or have done too much wrong, or don’t feel good enough….He is there. 

Sorry there have been no more pictures lately, my camera decided to forget how to charge itself!  But it’s fixed now, so I’ll put some up as I take them.